Angela and I are on a ridiculously inexpensive reunion retreat to help rediscover our individual and combined roles on planet earth as a couple that no longer has the privilege of being 'cancer parents/caregivers', Colleen obviously included (but not on this trip :-). It was nice to be able to unplug in Puerto Vallarta where we saw happy faces of vacationing strangers, restaurant owners happy to see, etc. Locally we saw the extremely understandably sad faces of our friends and family. We've been pretty busy the last few years and during quiet times now, it feels almost selfish for me to miss Madison so much knowing she wouldn't want that, easier said than done, which was part of her sadness leaving mom's and I behind. I know Madi felt extreme sadness having to leave her close friends and relatives behind too. I can't honestly say I'm relieved because she's no longer in pain... that was managed quite well. For me... it's both so incredibly proud while extremely sad, I'd be lying if I said otherwise. I try to focus on her bravery at the many forks in the road along cancer journey, which truly inspired me/most of us. I'd also be lying if I didn't feel her sense of sadness because she'll never get to know the even more remarkable woman she'd be at age 30, 40, etc., nor being able frolic with her BFFs along the way. Another humble reminder of the two certainties in life.
So when the are no more forks in the road, no U-turns signs, how do you face what can be perceived by some as a dead-end? How do you say goodbye or until we meet again? With absolute faith... He will show you the way. Given the incredible sunrise that tearful January morning I actually saw the light... Madi did too, I'm certain of that. Praying for miracles... the show-me-a sign came a tad late in the game for me, I never stopped believing and He did come through: I guess I appreciated seeing an oh-my-God visual reference, but Madi already knew her way Home.
So does one say goodbye or until we meet again when many who knew her from junior and high school who were FB friends, but didn't know what was going on? Madi drafted a note, screen print below... the bottom paragraph says it all. I don't think she ever posted or sent it but it rings so true, so worth sharing. A humble thanks to everyone who loved her... she felt ya.
So when the are no more forks in the road, no U-turns signs, how do you face what can be perceived by some as a dead-end? How do you say goodbye or until we meet again? With absolute faith... He will show you the way. Given the incredible sunrise that tearful January morning I actually saw the light... Madi did too, I'm certain of that. Praying for miracles... the show-me-a sign came a tad late in the game for me, I never stopped believing and He did come through: I guess I appreciated seeing an oh-my-God visual reference, but Madi already knew her way Home.
So does one say goodbye or until we meet again when many who knew her from junior and high school who were FB friends, but didn't know what was going on? Madi drafted a note, screen print below... the bottom paragraph says it all. I don't think she ever posted or sent it but it rings so true, so worth sharing. A humble thanks to everyone who loved her... she felt ya.
Angela and I are finalizing what a tribute might look like. As mentioned, we wanted to do something but uncertain what to call it... Celebration 3 dot O? Madi had asked if there'd be another, we think she'd want one, so we're penciling in a day in mid-March (Feb 18 won't work) at her El Monte Drive house, date TBD.. While there may be tears, she wouldn't want sadness... perhaps a touching or funny story or two, so here's a gem: looking back a decade plus, I've always had Walking Shoe sandals. My mom (Madi's grandma) had a similar pair, just bright white and grandmaish, but not rugged and manly like my mandals pictured above. When Madison was about 10 she and I were about to walk in to a biker store for something I needed: completely serious Madison said "Dad, no, stop! You'll get your ass kicked if you go in there with those on". True story, thanks to Steven for recently reminding me of that gem!
Worth re-viewing if you have tissue close by, she chose to celebrate her life in September. We're amazingly proud of her... always will be.
Worth re-viewing if you have tissue close by, she chose to celebrate her life in September. We're amazingly proud of her... always will be.
